I was standing all alone on the rocks in Stockholm’s archipelago, the wind was howling and tearing up the sea around me. I looked out with the biggest smile on my face because I was dreaming, dreaming about standing on a huge stage talking to an audience with love and compassion about empowerment and taking ownership of our journey. I felt so strong, so passionate that I somehow wanted to change the world, that I was going to change the world! I started to dance as I came to a realisation deep inside of me that I had a mission...at that time I was just 8 years old.
I woke up from the same dream again and again that I was chased by people who wanted me dead but they could never catch me because I could fly….
I could hear the wind blowing in the trees in the beautiful woods, I was out on my daily walk with my baby in the stroller. I should feel joy being a mum for the second time but the only thing I felt was empty feelings in the darkness. My thoughts were those of hopelessness. Is this what my life would be from now on? Living in a box, being surrounded by small-minded people at the age of 38??
I didn’t know then that this moment would be forever in my heart because right there and then I made a subconscious decision to make a change which would take over a year to come to fruition. The divorce was a fact, and in the same moment that I came to that decision, I made a promise to take responsibility for my behaviour. Own it and break patterns.
So the journey began….
The above are extracts from my life at various times. I didn’t have the money nor from my perspective today, was I resourceful enough to prioritise seeking the help of a psychologist/therapist. I found my own way to obtain the right tools to self-educate for my personal development and growth. An example of this was at my previous employment there was a colleague who had escaped the war in Yugoslavia. When he came to Sweden, he made a decision in his attitude to always be smiling, happy and grateful. So this inspired me and I started to gain awareness of my own attitude and how I wanted to give out positive energy, uplifting not only myself, but others too. My passion is people, their stories, their different perspectives and all the takeaways that are possible from their experiences to help me with my own growth. My high school teacher told me that even if my grades were not where I would have liked them to be, I would be absolutely fine because of my personality. It is only now that I have come to understand what he meant by this statement! I am in control and I am led by my heart!
Every moment of my life, from birth to now, has been significant in shaping the Jaya you see today. However, for this article, I have some important takeaways from the past five years of my life that I would like to share with you. There was a great deal of pain and struggle during some of these years but these significant past five years are the foundation of who I am and it is my great privilege to share this with you.
2015 - Getting Out and Starting Again
Divorce!! I found myself at a place in my life where I needed to dig deep and make a life-changing decision. I needed to find a home for myself and my children but I didn’t know how I was going to do this or even where we would live. At that moment, I realised that my mantra would become ‘one step at a time’ because I desperately needed to find a new home and would need to take it step-by-step. I began by asking people who already had experience in Stockholm’s property market for advice. It’s amazing how much information you can gain by simply talking to people! I ended up having all the information I needed, including insight into the right bank to approach that would be perfect for me at that time. So one step at a time, I finally had exactly the right home for my children and I, with exactly the right energy!! This was not a great big home but it was a perfect little apartment for us since I wanted to have enough financial support for the children and I to live a good life. I still remember the day I received the message from the estate agent, exactly where I was and how I felt the moment I received the message - I let out the loudest scream ever because this was a feeling filled with emotions of joy and pure relief!! Just six months earlier I was waiting at the train station, having looked around the area, thinking to myself how much I really liked this area. It was a really nice suburb of Stockholm and it had good energy which would be great for us to start over. Exactly six months to the DAY, that home was mine!
For the first time in my life, my cozy little apartment felt like home and my heart was completely in it! I understood the saying, ‘home is where the heart is’ because my heart was truly home.
At that time, the children were still attending their old daycare so they didn't have to change everything since it was good to maintain a little stability for them. It was quite challenging though to have the children every third day and every other weekend. They were still so young, just 2 and 4 years old, but this was the pain I had to endure in order to become the mother that I’m today. This was by far the toughest decision I had ever made. I shut down all my feelings when I was alone in order to enjoy my own company and to learn how to deal and live with the anxiety and restlessness. I slowly began to break my patterns.
2016 - It’s Still a Tough Year!
The routines with the children moved on and they moved to a really great daycare located near where their dad lived and we were so happy about that because it was so important for us to see that the staff and the owners had the right mindset to take care of the children, our most precious commodity.
This same year, I received a job offer which I accepted even though I felt that this was against my better judgment. I took the job because I knew that this would be my pathway to something bigger, a sort of step on the way to greater things. However, the working environment was not a place I could thrive nor was it a place I could stay long term. I just had to keep reminding myself that greater things were on the way!
Later that year my dad’s cancer returned. I lived in my positive mindset that he would beat the cancer again just like he did before. Instead, by the end of the year, it got worse and I found myself in a very dark place having to fight every morning just to get out of bed and get myself to work. The only light for me at that time was that I had just bought us a new car which to us meant freedom. At that time, as a coping mechanism, I followed someone on instagram who would always put up positive posts about mindset and feelings in the morning. This really helped my mindset a great deal. (Little did I know back then that I would be doing the same thing several years later and that people would be reaching out to me.) To maintain my positive mindset, I learned how important it is to be kind and good to myself, to try and fill my cup with warm-hearted friends or a podcast that would make me laugh. A friend wrote a supportive text message to me every morning and this also helped me. That is what I call love. It meant the world to me at that time because the pain I felt was constant and so a positive environment is vital for your psychological health and wellbeing, particularly when many people are in the same state and filled with negative energy. A tough year indeed!!
2017 - Saying Goodbye - A Really Sad Year!
My dad got worse by the end of January 2017. I drove to my parent’s house and we had our last dinner at the house. We drank wine and ate our favourite foods and laughed a lot! We talked about my adoption among many other topics. There was so much love between us all. I knew in my heart that it was the last night for my dad in their home; the dream home and farm that my parents dreamt about and fulfilled over 20 years previous.
After this, I didn’t go into work but instead I chose to spend my time with my dad at the palliative care home. My boss at the time told me that I could have this time as she had done the same thing when her dad had passed. Pay it forward - she was definitely paying it forward. My mum and I shared our time at the palliative care home and my brother came over during the evenings. My dad kept fighting and was eventually put in a wheelchair. I had to explain to my children what was going on since my dad always played down everything, I usually do that as well.
He lived for two more months and it was an awful time just waiting for him to die. Everyday when I left him, I sat in the car, crying and listening to music by Sia, Bird Set Free. I took photos of my daily life walking around my lake, running and being with the children which I would show him just so that he could see the outside world. He loved birds. The staff at the palliative care home were amazing and so joyful so he always joked and laughed with them when he wasn’t resting. I talked with the children a lot, that this is normal to one day die since my son was very close to my dad and I felt that I had to say something to them.
One day I sat in my dad’s room wearing my red sweater and told him that I could feel that there was something big waiting for me and he said that he could feel it too, that everything was going to be very good for me. He smiled and looked at me - the energy was flowing between us. Probably the only time that I felt the spirituality between us. My dad passed away at the end of March.
In June of this same year, a childhood friend of mine died in a car accident abroad when she was working on a project. I felt completely drained and empty and I knew that I could not grieve for her because I was still filled with grief for my dad’s passing. In September of that year, I was let go from my work due to the company’s relocation. This was the best thing, a blessing in disguise - I was free! I was now able to grieve properly and start to think about what I would like to do. I had worked in the hotel industry for over 20 years and my passion was not there anymore. I did quite a bit of self-reflection.
One day, while I was in my mum’s attic going through some things, I found my grandmother's skirts. I tried them on and I realised that there were these gorgeous clothes, just waiting for an opportunity to come alive again and I could use them every day! After the divorce, I had lost 10kg (22 lbs) so I had an empty wardrobe. I made a decision to invest in better quality clothing and to have a base of good clothes, since I’m the type of person that always keeps my clothes for several years. My grandmother’s skirts evoked so many emotions in me which sort of planted the seed for me to somehow work with in the fashion industry.
It’s so important to make every day count. After much reflection, I changed my mindset and decided not to take anything or anyone for granted. I decided to LIVE NOW!!! I began studying to be a stylist and personal shopper. This was such a joy and so much fun! My passion has always been people. My ability to see people, hear them and feel them. Authenticity. Being present.
2018 - New Beginnings - A new adventure!
I took a new job at a fashion store and so the heart and seed of my very own company was born in the dressing room. I took the plunge and I started my company Empowered by Jaya. I also began working with the NuSkin and this gave me a feeling of pride that I made a decision to do something good. Then the standard of my personal development was raised in a way I didn’t expect. It was an emotional rollercoaster.
I started to listen to Les Brown and Tony Robbins, motivational speakers and inspirational coaches, because I needed to strengthen my self esteem. I also began each day with a morning routine at 5.00am for three months, to give myself the best start and fill my brain with good vibrations. I listened to Tony or read a book and did yoga and meditation. I raised my standard in terms of my state and mindset before I went out to work at the fashion store. I constantly filled my brain with positivity by listening to endless audio/videos every moment I had and in between going from place A to B. My self-esteem changed as I began to feel good about who I was.
The grief of my dad would regularly hit me. I knew that I needed to take my time to just be at home and let it all out. I set a limit of a maximum of 24 hours of grieving. Then I had to get back to real life again. I did this so as to not get stuck and I still live by that rule today. I refuse to have a victim mindset and that was a place I did not want to return to.
2019 - The Struggle Continues, I Take Control and Growth Mindset!
Finances were not where I wanted them to be. I am the sole provider for my children and I am still building up my company. The fashion store was my training ground! I used every day to build myself up and to hone in on my craft of becoming a wardrobe stylist. Every challenging situation at the store made me stronger and stronger.
This was an important year for me to begin my transition into the person and businesswoman that I am today. I looked at this time as a gift, a gift of discovery, learning, gratitude and growth. I ended my time at the fashion store on a high!!!! Everyday was mindset, mindset, mindset. The future looked so bright for me and I was completely filled with positivity!
2020 - Empowered by Jaya - A Year of Big Change, A Year of Empowerment
All attention on my company from January 2020! I began to network on LinkedIn in March of this year. Since I had worked so hard with fighting my shadows and all my traumas, I felt that the time was right for me. I had to find a new way of working with online styling. I received so much valuable support from several inspiring human beings. I engaged with amazing clients with big hearts. I discovered that there are so many brilliant people out there, who will support and help you to achieve your dreams. Never under-estimate the power of online networking!
Through social media I found so many like-minded women all around the world, but there are two who are very special to me. One of them is my co-founder of our podcast Her Table. Together, we would like to inspire women and men to have real conversations. Everyone has a story and every story matters. You never know who you will inspire by just being YOU. So this is what we do, we talk about our journey, different topics and life in general, motherhood, work, culture, and so much more, even the painful stuff. It’s very authentic and raw. We don’t want it to be perfect, since I really don’t like that word. We are all good enough. Right now.
In August of this year, I engaged with my first coach. The work we have done together in just a month, getting my strategies and daily habits on track, has been amazing! It’s a process to be an entrepreneur and it’s a journey filled with hard work, grit and determination but extremely rewarding. I chose to be in my own bubble when the pandemic began since I knew that it’s crucial to have the correct mindset by surrounding myself with likeminded people with a growth mindset. Since I had experienced so much grief, I know how important it is to be present and to be grateful.
In September, I joined the programme of another international amazing person and coach who helps me with my business vision and strategy. This is so much more than a programme. I have evolved in leaps and bounds in just two months! In spring of this year, I set myself a goal to be a global entity by the end of this year. And now I’m global!! This is just the beginning. I will soon be launching a new platform so watch this space!
2021 - New Growth and Inner Love
My vision is to create more freedom in the world by having the power to completely be yourself, to be who you are. I’m a warrior and a goddess and will continue to rise every time I fall and to be able to be the connector I was born to be. Because one thing I know for certain, is that together we will make this planet a better place if we help each other out with love and compassion as well as a growth mindset. No competition since we are all unique if we dare to be completely ourselves, but also remember that we are human.
I would like to see more conscious women in high positions around the world, and more conscious men to step up and support us to elevate our voices. More conscious women should have a seat at the table. I will continue to evolve and help as many people as I can to get where they want to be so that they too can have their freedom, their EMPOWERMENT. My core values are authenticity, consciousness, growth, LOVE and transparency.
I finally found my inner love when I released my biggest trauma from my adoption and had the courage to face my past. That was beautiful and so much pain came out. I have always been alone deep down inside since I have never let myself out or anyone else in. At least, not the whole way. I could finally heal so that today I feel my love pumping throughout my body and I have even more love to give, if that is even possible!
And so, I will continue this journey and this process for my future, my children’s future and all the children in our world. Also for all the people who currently cannot find the courage to go after their joy and what they love. I teach my children that everything is possible, but first you have to take care of yourself as number 1, top priority and then you can take care of others. They already know how to express what they need and they challenge me in such ways so that I can continue having high standards. Right now, they know that everything is possible because they are solution-focused. I feel immense respect for them being so open to connecting the dots. They start to trust their intuition and this guides me daily. They are shining stars and I learn so much from both my daughter and my son every moment I spend with them. They are on my journey with me and I love that they are part of this exciting time in my life. It is my responsibility as a parent and mother to break patterns from my childhood and equip them with the best tools for their future that I possibly can. I think it’s so important that I share my journey with them so that they understand why I do what I do and why I take care of myself so that I can be completely present in everything I do.
In conclusion, what I would like to say is that our stories are so incredibly important. They shape us and help us to become the people we are today, right now at this very moment. It is important to look back to bring everything into perspective. Our stories have vital lessons that we learn and that we can pass on to inspire others to be able to overcome adversity and to become better versions of ourselves. It is only by sharing and listening to each other, that we become so much greater than we are individually. Our stories drive us to pursue our goals and in that pursuit, along the way, our stories encourage, uplift and empower others. My hope is that there will be a balance between all HUMANS!
I’m Jaya Jankert, an Empowerment Energy Guidance Coach, Professional Connector, Mentor, an international best-selling Author and Public Speaker with a difference, on a mission to create more self-love, more energy, more empowerment. Change your story, change your style!
My brand is ‘Empowered by Jaya’!